In my current saga of getting over what-could-have-been, I am coming to realise a few things. I had begun to settle. And although it seemed like he was good enough, I actually deserve better.
I deserve better than a man who seemed to fit the criteria, but actually was just someone who happened to be available.
I deserve someone who likes me for who I truly am, and not for who he thinks I should be. I deserve a man who invested time in getting to know me, without leading me on or being careless with my feelings. Someone who spent enough time with me on things that matter, seeing my shortcomings and yet understanding my heart. Someone who knows how much I love Jesus and how he, as a man trying to win my affections, will never be able to take the place of my Saviour.
I deserve someone who would follow me to the other side of the world just to win my heart. Flight delays, traffic jams, and inclement weather notwithstanding. After all, Jesus went to hell and back to win me over. A few hours stuck in the airport shouldn’t be too much to ask.
I deserve a man who wants to protect me, even though he knows I’m very much capable of protecting myself. A man who understands God’s design is for him to lead his wife and family in loving headship, not as authoritarian leader.
I deserve a man who isn’t in it for what he can get, but instead focuses on what he can give. A man who ensures I’m safe and cared for in every aspect of my life.
I deserve a man who isn’t afraid of what I can do without him, but is excited about what I can do with him. Someone who sees potential rather than threats. Someone who imagines how we can grow together as two imperfect people, trying to fix a broken world.
I deserve a man who wants the same things I do – to help the lost, broken, and empty souls that long to have a Saviour. Someone who loves Jesus much more than I can understand. Someone who would spend the rest of his life helping others become the men God designed them to be, and in the process become a better man himself.
I deserve a man who has a vision for his life that is closely aligned to mine, without having to change his plans just to fit my own. A man who understands that I won’t do that for him, either. Because he knows that I live life on purpose, and he respects that purpose as God’s clear call and gift to me.
I deserve a man who chooses to be with me, and consciously makes that choice even on the days when it’s hard. A man who chooses to buy me flowers when I’m mad, and washes the dishes when I’m tired. A man who understands that love is not just a feeling you have, but a decision you make.
Maybe I’m asking for a lot. And maybe there won’t be that man who can be these things for me.
But God has has already made His choice. He chose me. And instead of flowers, he gave me nail-pierced hands. I would take those hands any day.
God has given me something I had never deserved. With Jesus, life already is better.