To the Husband I Never Had.

All those nights living without you taught me to surrender my heart to God.  But it has taught me something else.  It taught me to give you up.

I had come face to face with the reality that you were never mine.  And you never would be.

Each day spent without you has prepared me for the days when I need to let you go.  Even if we do get married – should there be that rare and fleeting possibility of a lifetime together – even then, I cannot call you mine.  I will have to surrender you to God, every morning of our married life.

You could be my husband, but I have no hold over you.  You belong to someone else.  Someone who loves you much, much more than I ever could.

You may be my spouse, but only for a while.  Your soul was made for eternity, and to hold you to this momentary life would be so selfish of me.  You were not made for lesser things such as I.

I love you, husband I never had.  And perhaps, if by God’s grace he would let me borrow you for a few years of my life, then I shall remember to cling to you loosely.  To cherish what I could lose, and to surrender the love I never had.  Because you had been bought with a price I could never, ever pay.

You were never mine.  And you probably never would be.  But I love you all the same, in my limited and flawed way, within this short lifetime – husband that I never had.